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i_really_dontknow
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Name: joey
Gender: Female
Interests: people. coffee. art - in all its forms. beauty.
Expertise: confusing myself...
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/11/2005
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| its been a while.
i'm now on my summer break and finding myself very jealous of my high
school friends who get to go back to singapore to visit.
hopefully i'll go back at christmas... hopefully... but i really do
find myself missing the place. and the people of course ;)
but what can i say.. i have so much to not complain about. i have
a summer job, i have my own house for the summer (kind of... sharing it
with a friend), i live right next door to my boyfriend and my brother,
and summer doesn't contain snow. although, i have heard that its
supposed to snow this week. that wouldn't be too much fun.
but its' been the in-thing every year now... snow in may. its
quite popular.
my job entails me
hanging out with teens 4 nights a week, and 4 lunch hours a week (until
july that is). i'm doing a summer internship as an 'assistant
director' at the drop-in center in my town. and i get paid for
it! it'll be crazy, but i know it will be good for me. and
hopefully for the youth that go there too. matt, if you're
reading this, i feel very socially inept too. or at least
mentally socially inept. so this job is quite challenging for
me. but i need a good push once in a while, and this is
definitely that.
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| life really is mundane sometimes. many times. it's not like nothing ever happens - just never what i imagine, never what i want to happen. that's why girls fantasize so much... life is never like it is in the chick flicks, or the dramas. even the conflict on the big screen seems amazing, because it's been romanticized. if only our lives had a musical score accompanying every moment - the mundane things would seem that much more interesting, that much more romantic, that much more depressing, that much more shitty. extreme happiness comes with extreme pain or extreme depression. passiveness doesn't bring much ecstasy into life. i focus too much on the potential ecstasy in life that i miss out on the real moments of happiness - the happiness and joy that comes from the little things in life. i miss out on those. why? because i'm so focused on what could happen - what i want to happen but am too afraid to make it happen. the future scares me and making decisions that will affect it scares me ever so much more.
lately i've been so annoyed at life, at myself. no motivation for anything, especially the schoolwork i need to do in order to get to the summer i'm waiting for - and the work i probably also won't have motivation for. "one day at a time" - i hate that phrase. it's so true, and so necessary, but so frustrating.
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| shake it like a....
 ... poloroid picture
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hm. my picture keeps missing my page. if it doesn't work for the 3rd time, i'm giving up. i feel foolish enough as it is.
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